A Reminder of What Was Lost….

Losing my mom at the age of 64 six years ago was the most difficult thing I have ever been through. It all seems rather unfair to me that she was taken at such a young age and I feel like I have lost my best friend, confidant and mentor. By nature, mothers and daughters have a special, unbreakable bond with each other and my mom was simply AMAZING.

I miss talking to her every day and I miss getting random phone calls from her to just “check in.” As in most families, especially in the south, my mom was the glue that kept everyone together. Over the past 6 years, our family has changed so much since she passed.

At first we rallied together to try to get through the hurt of losing her and the losses of our family homes in this new version of our life we were still adjusting to post-Katrina. Today, our family has drifted apart and has turned into something I don’t even recognize. I’ve tried to fill her shoes to be that person to keep our family close like we used to be, but there’s just too much resistance and I can’t bring everyone together like she could. I know she is watching over us and I would guess that she is probably very hurt to see that things just aren’t the way they used to be.

My kids are the youngest in our family and I often feel like they missed the amazing opportunity of getting to know their grandmother the way I knew her. My son was only 4 when she died and he doesn’t remember her other than through the photos, home videos and stories that we have shared with him and this hurts me more than anything.  My daughter was very close to my mom – she was only 9 years old when she died and I don’t think she has recovered from losing her either.  Like most grandmothers, my mom had a way to make each grandchild feel like they were special and that they were loved. I know my daughter misses that feeling and I just wish my son was able to experience it longer.

Today as I reflect on the past six years without my mom, I realize that no matter when this inevitable day would have happened…the result would be the same for me – I miss her every minute of every day. We shared a very close bond and losing a parent, especially your mom, is the hardest thing in the world. So, whenever I hear my friends talk about how much of a pain their mom is being – I remind them that life is short – whatever you do – please give your mom a big hug and tell her how much you love her as often as you can. Don’t fight over the petty things…they don’t matter. Spending quality time with your mom = PRICELESS.

There are reminders, signs if you believe in them, of her every day. From the yellow butterflies that I see following me along the path to work, or the images of giraffes that I spot in random places and then there are the times when I look at the clock the same time almost every day that I like to think is her way of telling me “I’m still with you.” Not everyone believes in life after death but this is a discussion we had several years before she died and she knows I’m a believer.

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5 thoughts on “A Reminder of What Was Lost….

  1. I can relate to this very much. My mother passed away six years ago, six months before I turned thirty. At times, I get very angry – my daughter has missed out on having a grandmother, I’ve missed out on having a mother, particularly at times where I felt that I’ve needed her most. My father passed away two years after my mother. I still dread holidays, because even though I have a wonderful husband and fantastic daughter, they still feel so lonely. Most of though, I am upset she left too soon. Too soon in her life and too soon in mine. She never was given the opportunity to meet me as a woman, not really, and I was never given the opportunity to show her that the very best parts of me, I got from her. This time of the year seems especially hard. As does the spring, when she passed from this world to the next. Also the end of summer, when my birthday comes. Her death left a huge hole inside of me, one that I try to patch with living life and doing all of the things she never would have done, but in a society that values family so much, I feel like the odd kid out, not just for me, but for my daughter, too. And even six years later, when something really exciting happens or when life seems to much, I still pick up the phone, ready to dial her and talk.

    • I share a lot of those same feelings, especially about my son missing out on what a special grandmother she was to the grandkids – he’s the youngest and only had a short time with her. I do have photos of them together in his room and the last gifts she gave him in his room that I will never get rid of (Spiderman sheets for his bed and a lamp).
      My dad is still alive but since my mom passed, he has completely changed and is not very engaging. He’s always been quiet but now that she is gone, it has only caused him to become more introverted. He talks to the kids but he is nothing like he once was. I was 35 when she died, in fact my birthday was the Friday before Katrina :( how much does that SUCK! I also feel like I have to fight the urge to pick up the phone to call her when something happens that I would normally share with her. For me the past 6 years feels more like 100 years. Family holidays have NEVER been the same – most of it because we lost our family home where we gathered on Christmas Eve in Katrina – so the holidays just feel so foreign.

      I also have that same giant hole inside of me – and when I feel like I don’t think about it every day – I think about her and realize – I haven’t thought about her today. Her birthday is always around Mother’s Day – I used to joke with her about the “double whammy” birthday and Mother’s Day gifts! So as you can imagine, this is the absolute worst time of year for me.

      Just know that you are not alone, there are so many of us out there who can try to lend support for “those days.” <3

  2. I never thought I would hear someone else talk about “looking at the clock at the same time every day.” It doesnt happen EVERY day but it does happen very regularly. Gives me chills every time.
    Mine has been gone almost 20 years and it still hurts the same. I pray we get more time together on the other side!!

    • I’m glad I’m not the only one that happens to! LOL! It happens several times a week for me and it’s the numbers of my birthdate – the week of my birthday, I didn’t realize it at the time, but it happened all week – 2x a day! I like to think it was her way of telling me happy birthday. :)

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